Movie Mayhem

As I feel it is my duty to monitor the airwaves for breaking news, or possibly just a marathon of I Love the 80's, I watch a fair amount of television, or what young folks such as myself might call "T.V", "the Tube", "the Telly" or "Ye Magickal Viewtrickery". Because of this, I ended up watching the Oscars. I probably did this as a desperate cry for help of some kind.

Crash won Best Picture. I was astounded, as previously, I thought it an exceedingly poor idea to combat stereotypes and racism by parading a string of grotesque caricatures across a screen. However, the Academy obviously disagrees with me. Fine, I shall show them. In revenge for this, I hereby give the public some of my ideas for movies, which are so good, Hollywood will explode.

1) The Haunted Robot: In this film, I bet you think a ghost lives in a robot. You are wrong. In a stunning M. Night style twist, the robot is actually tormented by sinister ghosts, who will not let him forget his robot related crimes. Also, it turns out the whole thing was a dream in the head of an even bigger robot, who has his own ghost!!!!!!!! Starring James Woods as Hercules the Robot, and Janeane Garafalo as Ghost #3.

2) Zombie Werewolf Apocalypse or How I Learned to Stop Being a Zombie, and Become a Werewolf: We all know that zombies are scary. But what if there was some sort of crazy werewolf that bites zombies and turns them into zombie werewolves. Then, a scientist gives them titanium razors for hands. I think you will agree that this is so scary, your spine is literally tingling out of your back. Please see a doctor immediately. Starring Danny Trejo as Captain Lincoln "Lobo" Martinez, and Malcolm McDowell as Professor Stalingrad.

3) Hearts of Kaboom: Sometimes I am watching a film, and get restless. Using the latest technology, this movie sense when you are bored, and switches from a modern day retelling of Troilus and Cressida, to footage of sweet explosions. KABOOM!!!!!!! Oh snap, did you guys see that one? Starring Cuba Gooding Jr. as Black Transvestite Achilles, and Ralph Macchio as Troilus the Troubled Youth with Grunge Sensibilities.

Take that Movie Industry. Also, watching something on DVD isn't that bad, so get off my damn case already.