Matthew Answers Fan Mail

I have received an overwhelming response to my recent post about Top 5 lists. One Judith G. Allans, of Boise, Idaho, sent me this heartfelt missive.

Dear Matthew,
I am terminally ill, and before I die, I wish to know the full
content of your Top 5 Top 5 lists.
Yours,

Judith G Allans;
Boise, Idaho.

Well Ms Allans, that is quite the message there. First, as you are not an acquaintace, I would ask that you refer to me as Mr. Donovan. However, despite your impropriety, I will grant your request.

Top 5 Songs about Telephones
1) "Silent Telephone" by The 101'ers
2) "Hangin' on the Telephone" by Blondie
3) "Spiderwebs" by No Doubt
4) "Phone Machine" by The Vandals
5) "867-5309" by Tommy Tutone
Top 5 Words That Rhyme with Purple
1) Nurple
2) Curple
3) Hirple
4) Urkel
5) Orange (Note that this rhymes only on the Shimada-Collins Colour Phoneme Equivalency Scale)
Top 5 Sandwiches Made with Beef
1) BBQ Brisket Sandwich
2) Steak Sandwich
3) Roast Beef Sandwich
4) Salt Beef Sandwich
5) Hamburger
Top 5 Words That Sound Dirty, But Are in Fact Not
1) Nuptials
2) Penal
3) Kumquat
4) Rectory
5) Masticate
Top 5 Pet Names Based on the Names of World Leaders
1) Boris Yelpin'
2) George W. Bushbaby
3) Kim Jong Eel
4) Adolph Kitler
5) Chairman Meow

I am glad I could help Ms. Allans. To my other readers, I apologize for the tedium. You have only that remarkably selfish invalid to blame.